dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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