I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
