Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
