there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think people are normalizing furries
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
