Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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