Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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