I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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