he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
