he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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