I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
