I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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