He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
