Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
