Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You are the jesus of drinking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
