I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
