i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
