my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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