this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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