I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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