I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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