Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
