Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
