my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize