Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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