the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
