I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
