Yo dont text me then not text me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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