Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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