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I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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