so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
