Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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