I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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