haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
