??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize