I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
