i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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