Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
