Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
