How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
