There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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