How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ttyl tear gas
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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