so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
