she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
