Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how drunk are you?
Several
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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