I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
