it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's official drugs can't kill me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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