This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize