We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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