you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
