Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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