Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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