What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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