My pussy is not your playground.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
