i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
