I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
