I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
