Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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