I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's blow job season.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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