Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
