I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
