My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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