Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize