I got chris browned last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize