i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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