Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So. Much. Porn.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
