can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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