i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
