I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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