I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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