shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
