So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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