Sry I called you an 8
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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