I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
