a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
