I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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